a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
