i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize