what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
