thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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