just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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