i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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