Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
