you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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