Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
