u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
