i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
