she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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