FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do herpes really smell.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
