after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
