Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
