Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We have started to decorate penises.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
