It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
