What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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