I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
