is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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