you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
