I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This baby is an asshole
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
