i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
