There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
