she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
