the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
