she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
