Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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