Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
