I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
