The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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