these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
