Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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