cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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