I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
