Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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