this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
