You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
