Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
