Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
