so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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