Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
