Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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