I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
