so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
