this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
