drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
