im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
