Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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