what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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