just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
